Somebody Spiked The Punch
by Mressi
Summary: Severus and Lucius attend a Death Eater party - and unbeknownst to them, somebody spiked the punch! SSLM. Warning: there's a sex scene. But the beginning's rather funny, if I do say so myself.


In an old, long-deserted mansion at the top of a hill, a party was gathering. Eerie music was playing, and the party-goers wore black robes and white masks and appeared suddenly with a _crack!_ at the door. The creepy un-naturalness of this get-together did not, however, deter two young neighborhood boys.

"Looks like some sort of cult gathering, Gabe," said the shorter, geekier of the boys, who were hiding behind a hedge near the house.

"Loser fags. Let's check it out." The miscreants, in a move utterly defying a sense of personal preservation, snuck towards the house. The Death Eaters' wards had been designed with armed and dangerous Aurors in mind, not Muggle adolescents who needed to get laid. Gabe and Jay darted across the lawn, towards a bay window in the ballroom. Glancing into the dimly-lit room, they grinned as they noticed the buffet was directly in front of them. Gabe turned to Jay.

"Whaddaya say we leave them a treat?" he grinned, nodding to a bag on Jay's arm. Jay returned the look of mischief with one of his own.

"You still know how to pick locks?"

"'Course. You think my mom leaves the liquor cabinet open?" He pulled out a hairpin (don't ask why he had a hairpin; he'll deny everything) and jimmied the lock. With a quiet click, it opened. Fortunately for them, no one was in the room; the host or hostess had gone to welcome the guests, presumably. Gabe slid the window open, and Jay emptied the entire contents of the bag's bottles into a large bowl of punch. Conveniently, the liquid did not change in colour, scent, or viscosity.

"You idiot!" Gabe bitched. "That was our entire alcohol supply!"

"Relax, whore. There's a liquor store up the street."

"Right."

"Wait- we don't have any cash." Gabe rolled his eyes.

"_Shoplifting_, maybe?"

"Ahhh ..."

The party was hoppin', Voldemort thought to himself. (Look, he's an old man. Give him a break.) He was dressed in a vibrant pink pimp suit, and Wormtail had even thought to provide a pimp-stick. Wormtail himself was dressed as Tarzan – not a pretty sight.

Over at the buffet were two of the more attractive guests. Severus Snape, in a tasteful vampire costume, had a leash on his wrist. Attached to it was Lucius Malfoy, dressed in full bondage gear. Lucius, or "Luscious", as Severus insisted on calling him, glanced around nervously, praying his wife hadn't followed him.

"Look, Sevvy, are you _sure_ Narcissa won't find this place?"

"If you took the precautions you say you did, she's wandering the Australian outback by now. Get me more food, bitch."

"Now see here, Severus, just because I'm dressed like your sex slave doesn't mean I _am!_" Lucius bristled, but fetched the food anyway.

"Good boy," Severus beamed, patting Lucius.

"I hate you."

Voldemort brightened as he approached the Death Eaters.

"Hey, Voldy – I see you're all blinged out," Severus commented.

"Yes, I see _you've_ washed your hair," the Dark Lord replied.

"_Just what do you mean by that?_" snarled Lucius, in defence.

"Down, boy! I'm sorry, my lord; my bitch can be rather defensive sometimes."

"I understand perfectly," Voldemort sympathised, glancing at Wormtail. "Yo boys. I'd love to chat, but all mah peeps up in here need mah attention. Peace out dawgs."

Voldemort crossed the room (doing the pimp walk, naturally), Wormtail anxiously following. Crabbe and Goyle were busily applying each other's make-up; they looked up as he approached.

"Yo, Crabbe, I knew you was a fairy, cuz, but ya' ain't gotta dress like one. And Goyle, mah home-dawg, wuzzup wi' da ballerina shit, yo?" The pair gave a slow, collective blink. Not that this was an unusual response. Voldemort sighed.

Towards the centre of the room was Bellatrix, surrounded by the other nine guests. Her sudden popularity could be explained by the fact that she was the only female present, and was dressed as a five-cent ho. Her husband, Rodolphus, stood next to her protectively (okay, possessively).

Two hours later, the punch was nearly gone. A table had been set up in the room's centre, upon which Bellatrix was tabledancing. Ignored by everyone else, Crabbe and Goyle were wrestling in a large puddle (more like a pond) of chocolate pudding. Severus and "Luscious" had vanished from the room.

They were, in fact, in an unused bedroom upstairs. Somehow they had acquired several lengths of chain, a whip-and-flogger set, and a couple of fuzzy pink handcuffs. Luscious lay spread-eagled on the bed, chained to each bedpost. Sevvy, who had somehow lost his cloak and upper-body garments, sat coolly on Luscious's hips. Grinning madly, the Potions Master pulled the whip from the back pocket of his very tight pants. Luscious feigned terror, and started breathing slightly harder. _Crack!_ Luscious cringed, but took it like a man.

"You like that, bitch?" Sevvy was very much enjoying his little power-trip. "There's plenty more where that came from ..." he purred. Luscious grinned suggestively.

"Maybe it would hurt more if the whip struck skin, not leather."

"How right you are." Sevvy began slowly removing the bondage-harness, taking time to run his tongue over Luscious's bare sternum. "Mm ... you know I love a man's bare chest." Luscious could no longer contain himself; he flung himself desperately towards Sevvy, straining at the chains.

"Eager, are we?" Sevvy murmured, slowly lowering himself down on top of Luscious until they both lay flat on the bed. "I can understand that ..." Sevvy slowly raised himself onto his knees. He raised the flogger and began to whip Luscious, leaving small pink welts across his skin. With each _smack!_ Luscious breathed more and more heavily. Sevvy poked his tongue out, lightly licking Luscious's lips.

"Mm ..." was all Luscious could manage. A smile appeared on Sevvy's lips, as though he had just thought of something. Touching his lips to Luscious's, he gently nibbled them. Alternating between kissing and nibbling, he slowly made his way across Luscious's jawbone, down his neck, and finally reached his collarbone.

"Has anyone ever told you, darling, that you have magnificent clavicles?" Sevvy murmured, his lips still touching the blonde man's skin. The vibrations from his voice made Luscious quiver with pleasure.

"No," he breathed. Sevvy smiled, but did not answer. Instead, he bit down on Luscious's shoulder, vampire fangs still in place.

"Nggh!" It hurt, but in a good way. Luscious swallowed back his yelp, turning it more into a grunt. Another smile from Sevvy.

"I hope that wasn't too much for you ...?"

"No," Luscious gasped. Sevvy glanced down, and examined the twin drops of blood marring Luscious's perfect shoulder.

"You have wonderful skin, you know. White as snow. It brings out the beautiful, rich crimson of your blood quite marvelously." He kissed the two spots, his touch removing them from Luscious's body. "Exquisite ..." He gently licked away the two perfect trails of blood that had welled up from the punctures.

Luscious turned his head, and rubbed his face against Sevvy's lightly muscled arm. Sevvy cupped the side of Luscious's face in his hand, and the handsome aristocrat passionately rubbed against it. Sevvy gently caressed his partner's face, as the rubbing became more intense and Luscious began purring. Suddenly Luscious stopped; keeping his face pressed against his master's hand, he blearily opened one eye and gazed into the other man's hypnotic black stare.

"I love you."

Sevvy entwined his legs around Luscious's own, and pressed his body against his.

"I know." Another soft kiss.

"Please, I must make _physical_ love to you."

"I know that, too."

Suddenly, in one fluid motion, Sevvy was untangled and much lower down. In fact, he appeared to be attempting to unfasten Luscious's belt buckle with his teeth. Luscious blinked in surprise. "S- Sevvy?"

"Hang on, I've almost got it ..." Sevvy mumbled around the buckle. "Ah-_ha!_" He grinned as the buckle came undone. Placing his hands on Luscious's ass, he slid the pants down several inches. "How ... lovely," he said, eyeing Luscious's lower abdomen and hips. The pants were low, but still not low enough to show "anything". "Such fine structure you have, darling." Luscious blushed.

"Sevvy ... come here," he murmured softly. Sevvy moved up, so he sat on Luscious's chest. Craning his head forward, Luscious latched his teeth onto the waist of Sevvy's pants and pulled.

"Oh, so _that's_ what you want? I can do that faster." Sevvy got up, standing over Luscious, and gracefully removed his pants. Luscious stared.

"_Nothing?_ You 'go commando'? Sevvy, you don't seem the type." Sevvy smiled.

"Oh, but I _am_. Let's see what 'type' _you_ are." With that, he smoothly tore Luscious's pants off, tossing them onto the growing pile of clothing. Now it was his turn to stare.

"_Boxers?_ Red plaid boxers?"

"They're tartan."

"How ... tantalising. You know, I love red _tartan_ boxers. But in this case, I think I prefer you without them."

A few rays of early-morning light streamed in through the window. Lucius stirred, and winced. He had gotten a muscle cramp from laying in that position for so long. On top of him, Severus opened his eyes. Neither of them spoke of what had happened the night before; they simply got dressed, put the toys back in the closet, and left the room.

"Ah, Severus, Lucius!" Wormtail greeted them in the hall. Thankfully, he was no longer in costume. "The Dark Lord would see you off, but he's suffering from a rather vicious hangover."

"Hangover?" Severus blinked. "There was no alcohol served."

"Someone must have slipped something into the punch. Well, the other guests were quite plastered by the end. They left sometime last night. The Dark Lord noticed you two were gone, but he said it would be best not to look for you."

"How very kind of him. Please give him our regards," Severus said politely. He and Lucius left, grabbing their masks and cloaks from the coat-rack but not putting them on.

"You know what I just realised, Severus," Lucius quietly said as the two walked down the drive.

"What, Lucius?"

"Neither of us drank the punch."

The End.

A/N: I, Linda, came up with the concept and did the writing. Charlie helped with Voldemort's pimp-speak (so blame her if it's wrong), and made a few suggestions. She also wrote a section of more explicit smut, but we thought we'd better remove it before uploading. Email me for the uncut version.

Gabe and Jay are real people, who go to our high school. Charlie used to have crushes on them, but I hate them.


End file.
